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I am Creepy Chris; I am the molestache

Written by

Tyler Wagner

in

In late 2005, my wife and I were living in Sulimaniya, Iraq. As I was preparing for bed one night, I decided to play a prank on her. Shaving the beard from my goatee to leave only a filthy little mustache, I slid next to her in bed.

molestache1

Tyler: Surprise!
Jayme: [Trembles in horror] Oh my god!
Tyler: [Cackles]
Jayme: Ah, I can’t look at it!
Tyler: It’s OK, It’s only temporary. I’ll shave it off tomorrow.
Jayme: TOMORROW?!

Before shaving it off, we took some pictures (1, 2, 3, 4) and posted them to our reasonably popular Livejournal blogs. And in doing so we either coined, or popularized, the portmanteau “molestache”. I shortly became the top search result on Google Images for molestache. I have carried that title for the past ten years, with no small amount of pride. It makes for a good story at parties.

Then last week we discovered a new escalation: Creepy Chris. Someone has started using the most disgusting molestache picture as a meme template! My personal favourite:

Sees your fly is unzipped; fixes it for you

Comments

6 responses to “I am Creepy Chris; I am the molestache”

  1. Mark Denovich Avatar
    Mark Denovich

    I haven’t shaved in a few weeks, and inspired by this post I shaved all but the ‘stache while Deb was at her excercise class. She’s been home for three hours and hasn’t noticed. I’m rather disappointed.

    Reply
  2. Mark Denovich Avatar
    Mark Denovich

    At 2pm I couldn’t take it anymore and asked her “should be offended?” while staring straight at her. About 30 seconds passed before the tension was uncomfortable enough that I pointed it out. Unfortunately I forgot to try shaving it into a Hilter mustache before confronting her. Admittedly, I’m not what you would call hirsute and my facial hair is dirty blonde, but the result was still pretty rapey. I’m really not sure how I feel about her not noticing.

    Reply
    1. Tyler Wagner Avatar
      Tyler Wagner

      Pictures or it didn’t happen. :)

      Reply
  3. Mark Denovich Avatar
    Mark Denovich

    If I could have easily attached one in a comment I might have been tempted to take one. But alas, any evidence has already gone down the drain.

    Reply
  4. Mark Denovich Avatar
    Mark Denovich

    And I must admit, it was nowhere near as awesome as yours.

    Reply
  5. owrghowgowrohjohjg Avatar
    owrghowgowrohjohjg

    The young John Waters.

    Reply

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