I got my geek on this weekend. Hard, with relish, and a multimeter. Read on, dear friend.

It's finally happened. After 16 years of obsessive console video game collecting, I'm selling the last of them. My beloved Nintendo Entertainment System (properly called the NES, not simply "Nintendo", you Philistines!), its 16-bit successor, and even R.O.B., the Robotic Operating Buddy, are going to the eBay horse-glue factory. If you're curious, they'll be up tomorrow:

View all eBay auctions from seller "Tolaris"

Why would I do such a thing? Wouldn't I want to play Super Mario Bros in all its console glory again some day?

Sure I would. And now, I have a better way.

I've been active in the emulation scene for some time now. My NES ROM archive is functionally complete - I have every game ever released for the NES in the U.S. and Europe, and for the Famicom in Japan. My obsession is beginning to creep into other emulated systems - Super NES, arcade (MAME), Game Boy, you name it. But one thing had been missing, one thing that held me back - the controllers. Playing games with the keyboard sucks.

The game pads available for PC's suck even worse - the options are limited to expensive, button-rich, throttled, analog-capable contraptions, and cheap 2- and 4-button joysticks pumped out by imprisoned Chinese political dissidents. As much as I like supporting slave labor, I'd much rather support Asian video game pirates.

But I do have some really killer Super NES controllers, with pretty little buttons, sturdy construction, and - are you ready for this? - turbo switches! It's too bad they only work on the Super NES. <insert "foreshadowing" music here>

I've been wanting to wire them up to my computer for some time, but it always seemed a more complex task than I wanted to deal with. Friday night, I snapped. I stayed up until 5am downloading circuit diagrams and controller schematics, and poking at controller cables with a multimeter. I feel sorry for that poor fool at Radio Shack at 10:01 on Saturday morning, faced with a caffeine-infused Tyler demanding to know why they don't stock standard diode #1N914.

But now, it's done. I have a shiny new cable with two Super NES controller sockets on one end, and a DB-25 parallel port plug on the other. One game of two-player Ice Hockey later, and my work on this earth was complete. I handed Matt his ass. Rematch me anytime you've got the grapes, bucko!

But what is a controller without more games? The vicious cycle continues. My script monkeys are active even now, chittering loudly, throwing poop, and leeching mad ROMz from sitez. Phear my 'leet skillz.