In the end, the hero rides off into the sunset.

You don't hear about the real-life moments. You don't hear about the hero walking home at two in the morning, pissed drunk and distraught over a woman. You don't see him stumbling into an all-night chinese-food-and-donut shop, desperately trying to sober up. You don't see him lying in the bottom of the tub while the shower turns cold, lost in a foolish moment of self-pity.

You don't see him wondering why he's all flipped out over a two-month fling that's been over for twice that long.

But this isn't a book, this is real life. Sometimes they have the head full of snakes, and sometimes you do. Next time, I'll leave mine at the All-Star Cafe.